HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE BY DALE CARNEGIE
WHAT THE BOOK IS ABOUT
Deception in marketing was clearly not a thing in the 1930s. This book is exactly what it says it is - a guide to winning people towards you and your way of thinking. There is a reason it is so popular. Despite the better part of a century having elapsed since it was written, it is still amazingly relevant. Carnegie does a fantastic job of distilling his observations of human relationships and providing advice for how to better relate to others. One of the best things about this book is seeing the advice that was developed by Carnegie through observation and practice validated by modern neuroscience and psychology.
FIVE KEY TAKEAWAYS:
1. People work better under a spirit of approval than a spirit of criticism. Our need for self-esteem is as potent as our need for physical nourishment.
2. People are interested in their own wants over those of others. If you want to get someone to do (or guide them away from doing) something, help them see it as being in their own interest.
3. Everyone wants to feel important. If you listen to them, take interest in them and demonstrate an empathy for their concerns, you will provide this sense of importance. If they can’t get a sense of importance through inter-personal validation, they may well seek it through other actions (like complaining).
4. People will never attribute malign intent to their own actions. It is futile to try and convince someone that they are acting in a manner that is inherently bad - they will never accept that they act out of anything other than good intentions.
5. Actions and feelings are mutually reinforcing. Putting a smile on your face lifts your mood, and lifts the mood of the team around you.
THINGS TO GUIDE A NEW LEADER:
The sound of our own name is, to us, the sweetest sound of all. Get to know your team, and take a real interest in them as people.
THINGS TO REMIND AN EXPERIENCED LEADER:
You will never understand someone if you can’t empathise with them. You need to look at things from their point of view, which means letting go of your own and admitting when you are wrong. Unless you have proof to the contrary, assume people act with good intentions and that they are trustworthy and competent.
THE QUOTE I’D TWEET:
Any fool can defend their mistakes, and most fools do.
3 THINGS TO PUT INTO PRACTICE:
1. Listen attentively. Phones weren’t a distraction when this book was written, and if they had been around, I think Dale Carnegie would have changed very little in his book. Put away your distractions and listen to people.
2. If you don’t know them already, learn about your team. Learn their names and what they are interested in - and make sure they know you are genuinely interested.
3. The hardest one for me personally - don’t criticise. No-one was ever scolded into changing their beliefs, and at best, they can be cajoled into temporary alterations of behaviour. Instead of pointing out mistakes, look for and call out effort, improvement, and successes.
INSPIRED READING
This inspired me to go back over the neuroscience and psychology books about leadership. It’s amazing how much of Carnegie’s work is reflected (and repeated) in modern research.